Phoenix Wright is an attorney with spiky anime hair. Unfortunately, he lives in a world where defense attorneys not only have to prove their client didn't do it (innocent until proven guilty? What's that?), they also have to accuse someone else. And prove they did it. With motive, though there's never one for your client. Phoenix's life is sort of messed up. Welcome to the world of Ace Attorney.
Ace Attorney is one of the best adventure game series for the DS. You play as Phoenix, who has to investigate his cases and find the real murderer if he has any chance of getting his clients free. Today we'll be looking at the first game in the series.
For background, Ace Attorney was originally released for the Gameboy Advance, so the first few games were all rereleased for the first time out of Japan. As such, while the graphics usually look nice, the GBA has a smaller color pallette than the DS, and it sometimes shows. For instance, they seemed to have a limited number of greys, making Phoenix's hair look more old mannish than was probably intended. This problem also applies to one of his partners, Maya Fey- Black hair just doesn't show up right. However, sound is excellent- most sound effects are good to start with, but the best ones are, by far, the actual voice recordings for characters shouting "Objection!" This is made all the better by the best use of the DS microphone ever... But more on that later. Also, the music is far more epic than courtroom antics should be allowed to have. Not like I'm complaining, the score's awesome. My favorite is probably the Steel Samurai theme.
Gameplay is divided into two parts. The first is trials- You hear witness testimony, cross examine them, and find discrepancies between the evidence and their testimony. The second is investigation- go to the crime scene, talk to people, search for random stuff that stands out, rinse and repeat. Simple? Yes. Fun? Oh, SO much. Provided you like story in your games. I love story in my games. Basically, the gameplay is mostly for delivering story. Fortunately, it feels quite natural- Evidence searching is done with the stylus and d-pad, and dialogue can be advanced by pressing A or the giant button on the bottom screen. All of this feels perfect for the DS- there's a reason it's ruled the point-and-click adventure genre. But the best use of DS technology has to be the microphone, basically used for nothing much for most games... In this case, you can shout Phoenix's lines ("Hold it!", "Take that!", and the awesomeness that is "OBJECTION!") into the mic. Sure, you don't have to do that, but saying it's by far the most rewarding.
Finally, the story. OH THE STORY. Without spoiling too much, Phoenix tends to get involved in murder cases, squaring off against prosecutor Miles Edgeworth, AKA fancy magenta cravat guy. He has to solve the mystery of who murdered X (though the opening movies say so several times) and how they did it. Needless to say, slightly difficult. The highlights are actually the characters- wackiness ensues. Wonderful, wonderful wackiness. There is nothing more entertaining than watching a guy be forced to cross examine a nutso secretary in pink. Or his own client, who happens to be the biggest loser in existence.
There's one thing that's an exception to all of this, Case Five. The original GBA game ended after Case Four, but for the DS rerelease an extra was added. This case uses the DS hardware to its full extent with forensics minigames and better graphics for the new character sprites and backgrounds- notably, they're bigger. It's one of my favorite cases in the series, and turns up the character ridiculousness (they get weirder in later games) to, oh... Seventeen on a scale of ten. It's a blast, with the game's most complex characters and a convoluted plot. Well worth it.
So yeah, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney. May not be my favorite game on the DS. Certainly in the top twenty. Stay tuned for reviews of Justice For All, Trials And Tribulations, Apollo Justice and Investigations.
Final score:
Presentation: It looked good on the GBA, and it looks pretty good here. Case Five makes the rest of the game look a bit more dated by comparison, but the game is still colorful, energetic, and rather eye candy-like. And the sound is fantastic across the board.
Story: The first three cases are a bit slow, but when it picks up in cases Four and Five, it seriously picks up.
Gameplay: If I hadn't told you- meaning if I'd never looked it up online- you wouldn't have known this wasn't made for the DS. The system and game fit each other perfectly.
8.5/10
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective
Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective is a DS game brought to you by the insane team behind the Ace Attorney. For this, I thank them. Not only am I a huge fan of Ace Attorney, but I loved this game.
You play as Sissel, a recently-deceased ghost, as he tries to figure out why he died and who he is. Unfortunately, anyone who might know has an annoying habit of dying. Fortunately, Sissel can turn back time to four minutes before the person's death and manipulate objects in an attempt to prevent it. Over the course of a night, Sissel has to find out the answers... And get caught up in a conspiracy involving a redheaded policewoman, blue-skinned hitmen, and some guy with huge eyebrows. The story's extremely spoiler-heavy, so I won't reveal too much, but the cast of characters IS from the deranged mind of Shu Takumi, meaning they're entertaining... and very, very bizarre. Trust me, though, you'll care a lot about the characters as you spend the night trying to save their lives. The twists are also the kind where you'll go back, play it again, and go "I can't believe I missed THAT the first time around!" or "Ooh, now that makes sense!" In my opinion, this is always a sign of a good mystery.
Sissel can manipulate objects, but he has a pretty limited reach. To prevent people's deaths, he has to get from place to place by making Rube-Goldberg contraptions out of the things around him. For instance, to save a cute little dog, he has to get the dog's mistress to hide from a hitman before he arrives. How do you do this? Move a cart of donuts, rock a donut loose, and bat it across the area with a cabinet, attracting a rat that gets the dog's attention, starts him barking, and gets the girl to hide under the couch. Complicated? Wait until later chapters. Sissel can also travel from location to location through phone lines, making for much easier navigation. However, these two facts do lead to several moments where you have no clue what to do- one chapter has a character trying to reach a jug of water and some heart medication to prevent a heart attack. What should you possess? A flag. To make matters worse, you often have a very limited amount of time to get from one object to another before you get stuck and have to reset the time limit, starting the whole process over again. This is particularly annoying in chapters where you can't actually do anything until a certain point's past, and there's nothing you can do to speed up. Also, the game's VERY dialogue heavy. It's an adventure game. If you have a problem with this, look elsewhere.
The sound is very Ace Attorney-esque, with great music and sound effects, and the stylized character sprites are perfect for the feel of the game, but the real highlight of the game is its animation. Really, this game is smoother than any video game has any right to be. Fortunately, the character designers took advantage of this fact and gave characters wonderfully entertaining walks- the best one is a police inspector who literally dances through every scene. It's ridiculously smooth, making things like the "panic dance" of a prison guard all the more hilarious.
In conclusion, despite a couple ridiculously difficult chapters, Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective is a very entertaining game. With the 3DS coming out in March, this is a great last hurrah for Shu Takumi and his team, who gave us one of the most entertaining franchises of the DS. (Wait until next update for that one.) I look forward to whatever they try next... Though I'd like to see more of Apollo, please.
Final score:
Gameplay: Rube Goldberg: The game. Fun, if occasionally a bit "How was I supposed to know to do THAT?"
Story: Ridiculously twisty and turnabout-y, and that's just how I like my adventure games.
Graphics: Smoother than polished marbles. Fantastic animation, and very stylish feeling.
Kid-Appropriateness: Rated T, and probably at the lower end of the spectrum. However, the game is, obviously, a game about deaths, and some of them get quite frightening (One late-game character in particular is gonna be haunting my nightmares for some time.) I'd say it's appropriate for anyone age thirteen or up, and twelve or eleven-year-olds who aren't easily freaked out by cartoon violence and the uncanny valley waving hello to you and smirking should be fine.
Buy the game here if you're interested.
You play as Sissel, a recently-deceased ghost, as he tries to figure out why he died and who he is. Unfortunately, anyone who might know has an annoying habit of dying. Fortunately, Sissel can turn back time to four minutes before the person's death and manipulate objects in an attempt to prevent it. Over the course of a night, Sissel has to find out the answers... And get caught up in a conspiracy involving a redheaded policewoman, blue-skinned hitmen, and some guy with huge eyebrows. The story's extremely spoiler-heavy, so I won't reveal too much, but the cast of characters IS from the deranged mind of Shu Takumi, meaning they're entertaining... and very, very bizarre. Trust me, though, you'll care a lot about the characters as you spend the night trying to save their lives. The twists are also the kind where you'll go back, play it again, and go "I can't believe I missed THAT the first time around!" or "Ooh, now that makes sense!" In my opinion, this is always a sign of a good mystery.
Sissel can manipulate objects, but he has a pretty limited reach. To prevent people's deaths, he has to get from place to place by making Rube-Goldberg contraptions out of the things around him. For instance, to save a cute little dog, he has to get the dog's mistress to hide from a hitman before he arrives. How do you do this? Move a cart of donuts, rock a donut loose, and bat it across the area with a cabinet, attracting a rat that gets the dog's attention, starts him barking, and gets the girl to hide under the couch. Complicated? Wait until later chapters. Sissel can also travel from location to location through phone lines, making for much easier navigation. However, these two facts do lead to several moments where you have no clue what to do- one chapter has a character trying to reach a jug of water and some heart medication to prevent a heart attack. What should you possess? A flag. To make matters worse, you often have a very limited amount of time to get from one object to another before you get stuck and have to reset the time limit, starting the whole process over again. This is particularly annoying in chapters where you can't actually do anything until a certain point's past, and there's nothing you can do to speed up. Also, the game's VERY dialogue heavy. It's an adventure game. If you have a problem with this, look elsewhere.
The sound is very Ace Attorney-esque, with great music and sound effects, and the stylized character sprites are perfect for the feel of the game, but the real highlight of the game is its animation. Really, this game is smoother than any video game has any right to be. Fortunately, the character designers took advantage of this fact and gave characters wonderfully entertaining walks- the best one is a police inspector who literally dances through every scene. It's ridiculously smooth, making things like the "panic dance" of a prison guard all the more hilarious.
In conclusion, despite a couple ridiculously difficult chapters, Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective is a very entertaining game. With the 3DS coming out in March, this is a great last hurrah for Shu Takumi and his team, who gave us one of the most entertaining franchises of the DS. (Wait until next update for that one.) I look forward to whatever they try next... Though I'd like to see more of Apollo, please.
Final score:
Gameplay: Rube Goldberg: The game. Fun, if occasionally a bit "How was I supposed to know to do THAT?"
Story: Ridiculously twisty and turnabout-y, and that's just how I like my adventure games.
Graphics: Smoother than polished marbles. Fantastic animation, and very stylish feeling.
Kid-Appropriateness: Rated T, and probably at the lower end of the spectrum. However, the game is, obviously, a game about deaths, and some of them get quite frightening (One late-game character in particular is gonna be haunting my nightmares for some time.) I'd say it's appropriate for anyone age thirteen or up, and twelve or eleven-year-olds who aren't easily freaked out by cartoon violence and the uncanny valley waving hello to you and smirking should be fine.
Buy the game here if you're interested.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Nostalgia ahoy! Pokemon Heart Gold and Soul Silver.
Pokémon is one of my favorite game series, ever. It combines monster catching with a seventeen-type game of Rock-Paper-Scissors and surprisingly deep formulas for the stat-levelling of your little creatures. Plus the world's pretty interesting. Today we're looking at Heart Gold and Soul Silver, my current favorites.
This pair is a remake of Pokémon Gold, Silver and Crystal from the Gameboy Color, with extremely updated graphics and several new areas. You play a plucky ten-year-old child who lives next door to the local weird professor. Professor Elm asks you to walk around with a Pokémon for a while and gives you a shiny new friend. Sadly, watching from the window is the evil ??? (Canonically named Silver, an entire generation of newbies named him this due to a quirk in the original games' translation where he introduces himself as "???"). He steals a Pokémon from Elm and you have to go...
Actually, you just go do gym battles and thwart Team Rocket, who he isn't a member of. It's kinda odd. Anyway, you proceed to battle everyone unfortunate enough to make eye contact with you and your monster army, and catch more Pokémon. It's a simple story and a simple formula, but this game pair shows Team Rocket more evilly than the original games or, by far, the anime. In the first game, we saw them cause the only death in the series, a mother Marowak. This, in the family-unfriendly Pokémon Tower with music A) so creepy it was remixed and toned down as early as the original GSC set and B) described as "Death walking" by some fans, was basically pure nightmare fuel for the original seven-year-olds who played this. In GSC, not to mention their remakes, Team Rocket:
- Kidnaps Slowpokes and cuts off their tails. The tails grow back... implying they're gonna cut them off again when they do.
- Emits a signal that forces Pokémon to evolve sooner than they should. This results in the first "shiny" Pokémon most players were likely to see, a red Gyarados. Why's it red? Because it changed so quickly it kept its Magikarp coloring. Worse, Gyarados are basically the default Water type for your team- they're extremely powerful sea serpents. And apart from that one red Gyarados, which you probably caught, what happened to the others that probably evolved due to the signal?
- Takes over a national radio tower, playing a broadcast asking for their absent leader to return. Once they get that back, they'll play the evolution signal again. Across the entire region.
So yeah. They're torturing Pokémon on a mass scale, which is arguably worse than the Marowak since it at least seemed to be an isolated incident. Basically, Pokémon feeds on the kind of horror you only realize after going back and thinking on it again, which is the reason they get off with the E10+ rating and why I support it.
As for new side stuff: The Pokéathlon minigames are fun and addicting, though a bit simple, and add another use for berries you don't need. I've also got two favorite new additions. First, the Pokéwalker that comes in with new and probably some pre-owned games, a pokéball-shaped pedometer that allows you to bring one of your Pokémon along, walk with them, catch other Pokémon, find items, and train them. It's actually quite fun, though I wish it were possible to take out a member of your main team, walk with them during the day- say, at school- and then put them back on when you get home. The other one- walking with your Pokémon. It's a little thing, but it really does make the game that much more adorable. You can turn around and talk to the Pokémon, and they'll react to the route you're on, their current status, or just how much they like you... Though the idea of Scyther poking me in the stomach is a bit odd. Either way, I love it. Shame it doesn't seem to be present for the upcoming Black and White. Also, if you have certain Pokémon walking with you (usually event-exclusive, sadly), you occasionally unlock special events. For instance, the event Pikachu-colored Pichu in Ilex Forest gets you a time traveler (though, sadly, not Celebi), and Arceus can get you a level-one Sinnoh legendary just after the first gym. Which will be completely loyal to you, regardless of level, because you're its original trainer.
As someone who played through with a Mew, let me tell you- Unleashing legendaries you shouldn't have on the gyms? It's so... SO fun.
The problem with these, of course, is that they're dependant on you having or getting event Pokémon. Since they're over, your best bet is the wi-fi Global Trading System, but while you can probably get a legitimate event Pichu, best of luck with the level 100 Arceus or, worse, the basically unobtainable-without-gameshark Celebi. Especially since Celebi unlocks another event in Black and White. That right there? That's Gamefreak saying they hate you. Don't worry, the sadness wears off after a while.
Battle mechanics are smooth as ever, complete with ridiculously long animations. Trust me, folks, it's fun at first, but after a while you'll want to turn it off, particularly since Pokémon are limited to four moves. By the way, Game Freak: PLEASE get rid of some of these HMs. It's a pain in the neck to have to devote some of your main team's precious move slots to weaker moves just so that you can explore the area. Surf and Fly, sure, maybe even Cut/Rocksmash if you could combine them, and Waterfall's for the symbolism thing, but Flash? Defog? Whirlpool? Dive was interesting, even if it wasn't used as much as it could've been for such a water-based region, but can't you transfer the effect to Surf? I think at least three of my Mew's moves were HMs because I couldn't give up a slot to an HM slave. The fact that HM slave is such a prevalent fan term says a lot about how they're overused.
HMs, for the record, are "hidden machine" moves that allow you to progress through the games and their broken bridges. Despite there being a whole trainer class called swimmers, for instance, it's impossible to swim without a Pokémon. Cut, Rocksmash and Whirlpool all have the same effect in different areas- get rid of stuff that's in your way. Strength allows you to move boulders around, which at least makes for interesting puzzles. Flash and Defog let you see and, in the latter's case, ACTUALLY HIT... and Defog's only used in ONE AREA! You can't forget them without going to a special house, too, and while the effects are helpful, they don't go up in attack values later in the game, so Cut, for instance- a very early, normal-type move? It's basically useless. To counteract this, players often catch a weaker Pokémon that can learn the HM moves for use as an "HM slave" instead of for battle, taking up a precious spot on the team roster. This, this is by far the worst part of Pokémon if you like to explore the game world- you can't explore, battle, and have a nice team, making single-player mode for someone like me, who likes the environments and can't battle competitively due to our wireless security being incompatible with the DS? Yeah. It's not actually possible. But I digress.
Graphics are majorly upgraded- they're even prettier than the last release, Platinum- and it really is great to see Johto in all its glory. The music for the series is usually quite nice, and this is no exception. Is it Final Fantasy? No, but when you enter new areas you'll want to hear it. As an added bonus, Game Freak included a special item you can get after beating most of the main story that plays the old Gameboy tracks- I love the sendups to veteran Pokéfans.
In conclusion, Heart Gold and Soul Silver are the greatest Pokémon games yet in North America, though they might be a bit better for us returning fans who played the original games. Still, if you want a new Pokémon game and can't wait until Black and White, this installment's well worth the money. There aren't many major differences in versions, so pick whichever one has the cover Legendary you like more- Ho-Oh's the Heart Gold mascot, a brightly colored, fire-based rainbow bird. Lugia, the Soul Silver mascot, is a sleek silver sea dragon. And even if you can't choose, it's still possible to get the second of the two after beating the Elite Four, albeit at a very high level.
Score:
Gameplay: It's Pokemon. No really new tricks, but the little touches are nice.
Graphics, sound: Quite awesome, especially in cutscenes.
Story: It's Pokemon.
Kid-Appropriateness: Some basic reading's preferred, though not necessarily a deal breaker, I suppose. Cartoon violence, though, and while the KOs are non-lethal, some reasonably scary stuff. Should be good for kids around seven or eight, though.
Overall: 9. And my Pokemon hug you.
Buy them here.
This pair is a remake of Pokémon Gold, Silver and Crystal from the Gameboy Color, with extremely updated graphics and several new areas. You play a plucky ten-year-old child who lives next door to the local weird professor. Professor Elm asks you to walk around with a Pokémon for a while and gives you a shiny new friend. Sadly, watching from the window is the evil ??? (Canonically named Silver, an entire generation of newbies named him this due to a quirk in the original games' translation where he introduces himself as "???"). He steals a Pokémon from Elm and you have to go...
Actually, you just go do gym battles and thwart Team Rocket, who he isn't a member of. It's kinda odd. Anyway, you proceed to battle everyone unfortunate enough to make eye contact with you and your monster army, and catch more Pokémon. It's a simple story and a simple formula, but this game pair shows Team Rocket more evilly than the original games or, by far, the anime. In the first game, we saw them cause the only death in the series, a mother Marowak. This, in the family-unfriendly Pokémon Tower with music A) so creepy it was remixed and toned down as early as the original GSC set and B) described as "Death walking" by some fans, was basically pure nightmare fuel for the original seven-year-olds who played this. In GSC, not to mention their remakes, Team Rocket:
- Kidnaps Slowpokes and cuts off their tails. The tails grow back... implying they're gonna cut them off again when they do.
- Emits a signal that forces Pokémon to evolve sooner than they should. This results in the first "shiny" Pokémon most players were likely to see, a red Gyarados. Why's it red? Because it changed so quickly it kept its Magikarp coloring. Worse, Gyarados are basically the default Water type for your team- they're extremely powerful sea serpents. And apart from that one red Gyarados, which you probably caught, what happened to the others that probably evolved due to the signal?
- Takes over a national radio tower, playing a broadcast asking for their absent leader to return. Once they get that back, they'll play the evolution signal again. Across the entire region.
So yeah. They're torturing Pokémon on a mass scale, which is arguably worse than the Marowak since it at least seemed to be an isolated incident. Basically, Pokémon feeds on the kind of horror you only realize after going back and thinking on it again, which is the reason they get off with the E10+ rating and why I support it.
As for new side stuff: The Pokéathlon minigames are fun and addicting, though a bit simple, and add another use for berries you don't need. I've also got two favorite new additions. First, the Pokéwalker that comes in with new and probably some pre-owned games, a pokéball-shaped pedometer that allows you to bring one of your Pokémon along, walk with them, catch other Pokémon, find items, and train them. It's actually quite fun, though I wish it were possible to take out a member of your main team, walk with them during the day- say, at school- and then put them back on when you get home. The other one- walking with your Pokémon. It's a little thing, but it really does make the game that much more adorable. You can turn around and talk to the Pokémon, and they'll react to the route you're on, their current status, or just how much they like you... Though the idea of Scyther poking me in the stomach is a bit odd. Either way, I love it. Shame it doesn't seem to be present for the upcoming Black and White. Also, if you have certain Pokémon walking with you (usually event-exclusive, sadly), you occasionally unlock special events. For instance, the event Pikachu-colored Pichu in Ilex Forest gets you a time traveler (though, sadly, not Celebi), and Arceus can get you a level-one Sinnoh legendary just after the first gym. Which will be completely loyal to you, regardless of level, because you're its original trainer.
As someone who played through with a Mew, let me tell you- Unleashing legendaries you shouldn't have on the gyms? It's so... SO fun.
The problem with these, of course, is that they're dependant on you having or getting event Pokémon. Since they're over, your best bet is the wi-fi Global Trading System, but while you can probably get a legitimate event Pichu, best of luck with the level 100 Arceus or, worse, the basically unobtainable-without-gameshark Celebi. Especially since Celebi unlocks another event in Black and White. That right there? That's Gamefreak saying they hate you. Don't worry, the sadness wears off after a while.
Battle mechanics are smooth as ever, complete with ridiculously long animations. Trust me, folks, it's fun at first, but after a while you'll want to turn it off, particularly since Pokémon are limited to four moves. By the way, Game Freak: PLEASE get rid of some of these HMs. It's a pain in the neck to have to devote some of your main team's precious move slots to weaker moves just so that you can explore the area. Surf and Fly, sure, maybe even Cut/Rocksmash if you could combine them, and Waterfall's for the symbolism thing, but Flash? Defog? Whirlpool? Dive was interesting, even if it wasn't used as much as it could've been for such a water-based region, but can't you transfer the effect to Surf? I think at least three of my Mew's moves were HMs because I couldn't give up a slot to an HM slave. The fact that HM slave is such a prevalent fan term says a lot about how they're overused.
HMs, for the record, are "hidden machine" moves that allow you to progress through the games and their broken bridges. Despite there being a whole trainer class called swimmers, for instance, it's impossible to swim without a Pokémon. Cut, Rocksmash and Whirlpool all have the same effect in different areas- get rid of stuff that's in your way. Strength allows you to move boulders around, which at least makes for interesting puzzles. Flash and Defog let you see and, in the latter's case, ACTUALLY HIT... and Defog's only used in ONE AREA! You can't forget them without going to a special house, too, and while the effects are helpful, they don't go up in attack values later in the game, so Cut, for instance- a very early, normal-type move? It's basically useless. To counteract this, players often catch a weaker Pokémon that can learn the HM moves for use as an "HM slave" instead of for battle, taking up a precious spot on the team roster. This, this is by far the worst part of Pokémon if you like to explore the game world- you can't explore, battle, and have a nice team, making single-player mode for someone like me, who likes the environments and can't battle competitively due to our wireless security being incompatible with the DS? Yeah. It's not actually possible. But I digress.
Graphics are majorly upgraded- they're even prettier than the last release, Platinum- and it really is great to see Johto in all its glory. The music for the series is usually quite nice, and this is no exception. Is it Final Fantasy? No, but when you enter new areas you'll want to hear it. As an added bonus, Game Freak included a special item you can get after beating most of the main story that plays the old Gameboy tracks- I love the sendups to veteran Pokéfans.
In conclusion, Heart Gold and Soul Silver are the greatest Pokémon games yet in North America, though they might be a bit better for us returning fans who played the original games. Still, if you want a new Pokémon game and can't wait until Black and White, this installment's well worth the money. There aren't many major differences in versions, so pick whichever one has the cover Legendary you like more- Ho-Oh's the Heart Gold mascot, a brightly colored, fire-based rainbow bird. Lugia, the Soul Silver mascot, is a sleek silver sea dragon. And even if you can't choose, it's still possible to get the second of the two after beating the Elite Four, albeit at a very high level.
Score:
Gameplay: It's Pokemon. No really new tricks, but the little touches are nice.
Graphics, sound: Quite awesome, especially in cutscenes.
Story: It's Pokemon.
Kid-Appropriateness: Some basic reading's preferred, though not necessarily a deal breaker, I suppose. Cartoon violence, though, and while the KOs are non-lethal, some reasonably scary stuff. Should be good for kids around seven or eight, though.
Overall: 9. And my Pokemon hug you.
Buy them here.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Shaq Fu: Enforcer of Justice. I swear I'm not making this up...
Shaq Fu is one of those games that is truly infamous among video gamers. You see, in 1994, someone thought they could cash in on Shaq's celebrity status by making a video game. Of course, this was the 90s and video games, so instead of the logical solution like, you know, a basketball game, we got Shaq Fu: Enforcer of Justice. This is literally a fighting game about Shaquille O'Neal. Oh, but don't worry, folks. It gets worse.
You play as Shaq, who is sightseeing in Tokyo before a charity game. He finds an old kung fu dojo where some weird old man tells you you have to go through a portal to save some kid named Nezu from (according to the Internet) an Egyptian mummy thing named Sett Ra and since you're reading this sentence over again to see if that made sense, let me tell you: It didn't. Sadly, I'm not making any of this up. Want proof? Have this Youtube video from the Genesis version.
In addition to showing the atrocity that is the opening, this also shows you the pre-fight and post-fight dialogue for these people. I mean... Really. To say there was no effort put into this scenario would be too kind. Additionally, what in the name of the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch is a BASKETBALL PLAYER doing fighting these mages, cat girls, princes with swords, and gargoyles? Why?
Now, I'll be fair to Shaq Fu. The story is laughably bad, and we'll get to the gameplay later, but the graphics and sound really aren't that bad. I mean, those backgrounds are, dare I say, good, and the animation's very nice. And the character models look decent. Also, there's a pretty good chance that, had Ben and I been willing to inflict the torture of this game on a larger screen, where we could both see and thus play tournament or duel mode, we might've found two-player mode actually fun. If nothing else, it's good for a laugh as you try to figure out why this game exists.
Now for gameplay. I happen to be bad at action games, but my brother Ben is okay. So, after failing miserably at story mode and thinking it was me, I convinced him to play so we could have a decent review.
It wasn't just me. Ben's comments, and I quote.
Now, apparently it's a better game on the Genesis. I mean, still panned, but it has some more characters to play as and stuff, so... that's something. If you have a Genesis or SNES already, I personally think this is the sort of bad game that deserves to be kept around and laughed at. Besides, you really can't understand how bad this game is without playing it first.
In conclusion, this is in fact a bad game. But it's a bad game that's rather entertaining, assuming you have a friend you can sucker into playing with or watching.
Final score:
Gameplay: The controls are basically broken, and the AI cheats.
Presentation: Well... The graphics aren't terrible. The animation's actually pretty smooth.
Story: ... *Laughs in pain*
Kid Appropriateness: Sure. Give this game to kids. They'll never play video games again. Also, I believe it made T for blood or something? Dunno. It's not worth the cost to try, so just don't give it to them.
3.0
If you want to buy this game, then here's the search page on Amazon. But really... Don't spend more than a dollar on it if you can help it.
You play as Shaq, who is sightseeing in Tokyo before a charity game. He finds an old kung fu dojo where some weird old man tells you you have to go through a portal to save some kid named Nezu from (according to the Internet) an Egyptian mummy thing named Sett Ra and since you're reading this sentence over again to see if that made sense, let me tell you: It didn't. Sadly, I'm not making any of this up. Want proof? Have this Youtube video from the Genesis version.
In addition to showing the atrocity that is the opening, this also shows you the pre-fight and post-fight dialogue for these people. I mean... Really. To say there was no effort put into this scenario would be too kind. Additionally, what in the name of the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch is a BASKETBALL PLAYER doing fighting these mages, cat girls, princes with swords, and gargoyles? Why?
Now, I'll be fair to Shaq Fu. The story is laughably bad, and we'll get to the gameplay later, but the graphics and sound really aren't that bad. I mean, those backgrounds are, dare I say, good, and the animation's very nice. And the character models look decent. Also, there's a pretty good chance that, had Ben and I been willing to inflict the torture of this game on a larger screen, where we could both see and thus play tournament or duel mode, we might've found two-player mode actually fun. If nothing else, it's good for a laugh as you try to figure out why this game exists.
Now for gameplay. I happen to be bad at action games, but my brother Ben is okay. So, after failing miserably at story mode and thinking it was me, I convinced him to play so we could have a decent review.
It wasn't just me. Ben's comments, and I quote.
Ben: The game sucks. The cat lady is faster than you could ever dream to dodge or hit. The prince brings swords. And the gargoyle has magic, and can teleport. Everybody is better than you and Shaq only has his fire punch thing that you only can use at close range. The cat lady has some sort of cat tornado thing that makes her immune to be hit, the prince can throw his swords and have them magically appear back in his hands, or he can stab them into the ground with a shockwave, or he can just cut you with them and stab you, and the gargoyle dude can fire lightning from his hands. Which should actually kill Shaq. Shaq's best weapon is the fire fist. Thing. The Shaq-uriken I tried to do, but didn't work. At all. Basically the secret to winning this game is jump in, hit them really hard with a fire fist, and dodge. And blocking doesn't work. All in all, if you pay more than two bucks for this game, you're being ripped off. On a scale of one to Sonic 2006, this is a good four... teen. On a scale of one to ten, one being awesome, ten being easily the worst game I've ever played, it's easily a ten. And I've played some really bad games. To put things in perspective, it's as bad as Monster A Go Go. Without the MST3k. All in all, this game sucks. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll have to go throw up on Shaq. And the creators. And Pepsi for endorsing it. Which, by the way, you could never guess from playing the game. [/sarcasm]Yeah. The game's sort of like that. And really, Shaq-uriken? SHAQ-URIKEN?! Why does this game taunt me?
Now, apparently it's a better game on the Genesis. I mean, still panned, but it has some more characters to play as and stuff, so... that's something. If you have a Genesis or SNES already, I personally think this is the sort of bad game that deserves to be kept around and laughed at. Besides, you really can't understand how bad this game is without playing it first.
In conclusion, this is in fact a bad game. But it's a bad game that's rather entertaining, assuming you have a friend you can sucker into playing with or watching.
Final score:
Gameplay: The controls are basically broken, and the AI cheats.
Presentation: Well... The graphics aren't terrible. The animation's actually pretty smooth.
Story: ... *Laughs in pain*
Kid Appropriateness: Sure. Give this game to kids. They'll never play video games again. Also, I believe it made T for blood or something? Dunno. It's not worth the cost to try, so just don't give it to them.
3.0
If you want to buy this game, then here's the search page on Amazon. But really... Don't spend more than a dollar on it if you can help it.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Professor Layton: I say, Luke, this blog post reminds me of a puzzle!
If I had to recommend one game series to non-gamers with DSes, I'd have a hard time choosing, but one series in the running would be Professor Layton. In this trilogy, we follow a very British professor with a nice top hat and his self-styled apprentice, Luke, as they run around solving mysteries and puzzles. Lots and lots of puzzles. Sometimes the puzzles are relevant to the plot. About 86% of the time, they aren't. In fact, you can sum up a lot of time in the game as follows:
Professor Layton: You there, random villager, may we please find a random snippet of information? The fate of this city may depend on us.
Random villager: Eh... I dunno. Solve this puzzle first, will ya?
-- Puzzle no. 437--
*Layton/Luke solves the puzzle*
Random villager: Gee, thanks! I don't know anything about what you're talkin' about, but why don't you go to that alleyway?
*In that alleyway*
Luke: Hey, look, there's some garbage!
Layton: I say, Luke, this garbage reminds me of a puzzle!
--Puzzle no. 438--
I wish I was kidding, or exaggerating, but the good professor can relate literally everything to a puzzle. I mean, that garbage thing? In the first game, a cat torturing a possibly-dead mouse reminds Layton of a puzzle. In the second game, if the pile of garbage didn't remind him of a puzzle, it was only because they found a hidden one in the garbage. And in the third, there are at least three puzzles about banana peels. So why do I love the series so much? Despite this quirk, it's a really FUN series.
As I mentioned, the Professor and his apprentice basically run around to random villages, discovering dark secrets, getting in trouble, and solving puzzles. There usually happens to be some justification for why everyone around you keeps asking you to solve puzzles for them, but really, apart from sarcastic gamers poking fun at this fact, it's not a problem. I mean, you're playing a game about a guy who solves puzzles. You expect to have puzzles thrown at you. To not have puzzles thrown at you is to be Mario, suddenly unable to jump. The puzzles are usually either based in math, logic and problem-solving, or careful rereading of the question, though there are classics like figuring out what the heck this piece of chocolate with letters and bites means without hints, sliding blocks back and forth, or hitting every square on a chessboard using only the knights. Which were, by the way? REALLY IRRITATING, Professor. To help with your frustration, hint coins are hidden throughout the area, found by tapping interesting stuff with the stylus. (You'll also find hidden puzzles like this.) You get three of these per puzzle, as well as a "super hint" in the third game if you're REALLY stuck. Of course, the hints aren't always useful, like in the above- my favorite is when, instead of helping, you're "treated" to trivia about the history of this type of puzzle. *Eyeroll* This is what the Internet is for- plenty of strategy guides, some with pretty pictures, are available to provide ACTUAL game help.
The games also feature minigames, like helping a pet hamster get in shape, adding stickers to a picture book, decorating hotel rooms, and brewing tea. The tea one is probably my favorite due to the hilarious lines when you screw up a recipe:
Apart from the obsession with puzzles, the Layton games really do have great stories- my favorite goes to the second, Diabolical Box. After the death of the professor's mentor, the pair are caught up in the mystery of a seemingly-cursed artifact, the Elysian Box, linked to his death... and several others in its sad history. They find a ticket for the famous "Molentary Express", a luxury train, board it, and adventuring ensues. Important cutscenes are animated, often with voiceovers, leading to at least one really spectacular showpiece scene per game- the least spoilerish would be one in game three where Layton MacGyvers a coin-spewing machine gun out of a slot machine. And apart from the occasional ridiculous plot twist (apparently, recurring villains can be such masters of disguise that height differences don't matter), you will be entertained. The last game even manages to pull off a serious tearjerker with a look at Layton's past and the reason why he wears his signature hat. You know, in between the corny puzzles, epic fights, and the occasional feat of awesomely-broken physics.
My favorite moment in the series is probably the ending of Diabolical Box. Now, from a story perspective, while it's sad, it doesn't inspire quite as many tears as game three, Unwound Future, not to mention the sheer epicness that had taken place minutes before, but there's one thing Diabolical Box definitely does best: music. The series has a distinctive accordion-based score, adding to the feel of the semi-Victorian, steampunk-esque setting, which is great, provided you like accordions. However, I'd probably have just mentioned that if it weren't for the end theme of Diabolical Box, Iris. It's a beautiful little song, played first as the characters finally untangle the mystery of the Elysian Box, music-box style, then in the end credits in this gorgeous arrangement. If I ever come up with a list for favorite video game music, this would probably be on the list among the Zelda and Square Enix. As for the rest of the sound, voice acting is pretty good, particularly since you hear Luke and Layton (and, in the third game, several other characters) when they solve puzzles. There are few sounds in video gaming more wonderful than a good trill of victory, and adding Luke and Layton's "Another puzzle solved" voice bits just makes them even nicer. As for graphics, it's best described as sort of anime styled, with a helping of adorable.
Conclusion? Professor Layton is one of the best game series for the DS. Sadly, due to the bulk of translation and localization work, it's taken years for the first three games to be released. There's a fourth one available in Japan, but while we've gotten confirmation about the games for the upcoming 3DS, we've heard nothing about number four. Please, Level Five?
Final score:
Gameplay: Fun, but occasionally maddening. You will probably want a strategy guide at some point.
Story: While it is occasionally ridiculous, the moments of pure awesome make up for it.
Sound: Wonderful mood accordion. The puzzle theme may be stuck in my head for all eternity, but I really don't mind.
Graphics: I want these characters in plush form. I love good 2D graphics.
Kid-appropriateness: Apart from about one instance per game of minor violence, there's not much to worry about, provided you don't mind references to death. However, the game requires decent reading skills, so it really can't be played by anyone under six.
Other notes: While you catch on to gameplay quickly, and each game has its own self-contained story for the most part, there are just enough spoilers in each game that you should really play them in order. And they're usually fairly important ending ones. Also, there are a couple bonus codes from different games. However, if you can only pick one, my personal favorite would be Diabolical Box.
Conclusion: 9.5.
Find copies of the first game, Professor Layton and the Curious Village here, the second, Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box, here, and the third, Professor Layton and the Unwound Future, here.
Professor Layton: You there, random villager, may we please find a random snippet of information? The fate of this city may depend on us.
Random villager: Eh... I dunno. Solve this puzzle first, will ya?
-- Puzzle no. 437--
*Layton/Luke solves the puzzle*
Random villager: Gee, thanks! I don't know anything about what you're talkin' about, but why don't you go to that alleyway?
*In that alleyway*
Luke: Hey, look, there's some garbage!
Layton: I say, Luke, this garbage reminds me of a puzzle!
--Puzzle no. 438--
I wish I was kidding, or exaggerating, but the good professor can relate literally everything to a puzzle. I mean, that garbage thing? In the first game, a cat torturing a possibly-dead mouse reminds Layton of a puzzle. In the second game, if the pile of garbage didn't remind him of a puzzle, it was only because they found a hidden one in the garbage. And in the third, there are at least three puzzles about banana peels. So why do I love the series so much? Despite this quirk, it's a really FUN series.
 |
| This happens more often than I can count. |
As I mentioned, the Professor and his apprentice basically run around to random villages, discovering dark secrets, getting in trouble, and solving puzzles. There usually happens to be some justification for why everyone around you keeps asking you to solve puzzles for them, but really, apart from sarcastic gamers poking fun at this fact, it's not a problem. I mean, you're playing a game about a guy who solves puzzles. You expect to have puzzles thrown at you. To not have puzzles thrown at you is to be Mario, suddenly unable to jump. The puzzles are usually either based in math, logic and problem-solving, or careful rereading of the question, though there are classics like figuring out what the heck this piece of chocolate with letters and bites means without hints, sliding blocks back and forth, or hitting every square on a chessboard using only the knights. Which were, by the way? REALLY IRRITATING, Professor. To help with your frustration, hint coins are hidden throughout the area, found by tapping interesting stuff with the stylus. (You'll also find hidden puzzles like this.) You get three of these per puzzle, as well as a "super hint" in the third game if you're REALLY stuck. Of course, the hints aren't always useful, like in the above- my favorite is when, instead of helping, you're "treated" to trivia about the history of this type of puzzle. *Eyeroll* This is what the Internet is for- plenty of strategy guides, some with pretty pictures, are available to provide ACTUAL game help.
The games also feature minigames, like helping a pet hamster get in shape, adding stickers to a picture book, decorating hotel rooms, and brewing tea. The tea one is probably my favorite due to the hilarious lines when you screw up a recipe:
Luke: P-Professor! There's smoke coming off this tea!
Layton: We may have unwittingly invented a drink that should never have been.
Layton: We may have unwittingly invented a drink that should never have been.
--
Luke: Sorry Professor. I don't think I can choke down another sip.
Layton: That's quite all right, Luke. No one should ever feel obliged to drink something as rank as this tea.
Layton: That's quite all right, Luke. No one should ever feel obliged to drink something as rank as this tea.
--
Luke: Professor, this tea is... foaming!
Layton: Oh, dear. I suppose that's a clear sign that this tea isn't fit for human consumption then.
Luke: I don't understand. We checked all the ingredients. Why all this foam?
Layton: I'm afraid I have no answer there, Luke. But perhaps we can use it to clean the floor.
Layton: Oh, dear. I suppose that's a clear sign that this tea isn't fit for human consumption then.
Luke: I don't understand. We checked all the ingredients. Why all this foam?
Layton: I'm afraid I have no answer there, Luke. But perhaps we can use it to clean the floor.
My favorite moment in the series is probably the ending of Diabolical Box. Now, from a story perspective, while it's sad, it doesn't inspire quite as many tears as game three, Unwound Future, not to mention the sheer epicness that had taken place minutes before, but there's one thing Diabolical Box definitely does best: music. The series has a distinctive accordion-based score, adding to the feel of the semi-Victorian, steampunk-esque setting, which is great, provided you like accordions. However, I'd probably have just mentioned that if it weren't for the end theme of Diabolical Box, Iris. It's a beautiful little song, played first as the characters finally untangle the mystery of the Elysian Box, music-box style, then in the end credits in this gorgeous arrangement. If I ever come up with a list for favorite video game music, this would probably be on the list among the Zelda and Square Enix. As for the rest of the sound, voice acting is pretty good, particularly since you hear Luke and Layton (and, in the third game, several other characters) when they solve puzzles. There are few sounds in video gaming more wonderful than a good trill of victory, and adding Luke and Layton's "Another puzzle solved" voice bits just makes them even nicer. As for graphics, it's best described as sort of anime styled, with a helping of adorable.
 |
| Luke and Layton, here pictured NOT being reminded of a puzzle. |
Conclusion? Professor Layton is one of the best game series for the DS. Sadly, due to the bulk of translation and localization work, it's taken years for the first three games to be released. There's a fourth one available in Japan, but while we've gotten confirmation about the games for the upcoming 3DS, we've heard nothing about number four. Please, Level Five?
Final score:
Gameplay: Fun, but occasionally maddening. You will probably want a strategy guide at some point.
Story: While it is occasionally ridiculous, the moments of pure awesome make up for it.
Sound: Wonderful mood accordion. The puzzle theme may be stuck in my head for all eternity, but I really don't mind.
Graphics: I want these characters in plush form. I love good 2D graphics.
Kid-appropriateness: Apart from about one instance per game of minor violence, there's not much to worry about, provided you don't mind references to death. However, the game requires decent reading skills, so it really can't be played by anyone under six.
Other notes: While you catch on to gameplay quickly, and each game has its own self-contained story for the most part, there are just enough spoilers in each game that you should really play them in order. And they're usually fairly important ending ones. Also, there are a couple bonus codes from different games. However, if you can only pick one, my personal favorite would be Diabolical Box.
Conclusion: 9.5.
Find copies of the first game, Professor Layton and the Curious Village here, the second, Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box, here, and the third, Professor Layton and the Unwound Future, here.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Super Scribblenauts: Win.
System: Nintendo DS
Released: 2010
Rating: E10+ (There are guns, swords, explosives, and obscure weapons you've never heard of, which can and probably will be used on human targets. All carnage is bloodless.)
In 2009, a company called 5th Cell released Scribblenauts, a game about a guy named Maxwell in a spiffy rooster hat and a magical notebook that can summon anything. It went unnoticed up until E3, shortly before its release, when critics discovered that A) Yes, it really can summon just about any noun, including some internet memes. B) It sparked its own meme, Post 217 on a gaming forum thread about how the guy used a time machine to ride a dinosaur to fight robot zombies. Both of these led to the most anticipated game of the season, possibly the most massive hypefest ever, especially for a handheld game. Apart from Post 217, by Feep of NeoGAF forums (all of which can be summoned in the game in its honor), Maxwell's rooster hat also became popular enough to become the original's preorder bonus. And yes, that was that weird hat I wore at auditions last year. Sadly, upon playing it we all realized something: Fun as the word generator was, controls were so badly screwed up that Maxwell was prone to jumping off a cliff into a pit of lava as you tried to place together a bridge. Still, response was positive enough in every other respect to merit a sequel, Super Scribblenauts. This game added two things: The first was a button-based control system that ACTUALLY WORKED, (as well as a massively improved touch screen control) which is why I recommend it to you instead of the original game. The second was the addition of adjectives. If you ever wanted a Sparkling Pink Magical Pony, that works. Yellow Beautiful Chainsaw? Sure, why not? Polkadot winged striped bathtub? Of course! Which is what I, and everybody, love about Scribblenauts: Your only limit is your twisted imagination.
As Maxwell, you get to summon a bunch of random stuff to solve puzzles, from mundane things like "Get this cat out of a tree" (sure, ladders work, but why not summon termites, a chainsaw, beavers, lumberjack, or come to it a flaming sword?) to "create something that can stop a rampaging Shoggoth" (Answer is, as always, Cthulhu, but the kraken or a giant dinosaur or Mosasaur work as well) for shiny star-shaped MacGuffins called Starite. There's really no plot, but the game is fun because the Development Team came up with so much stuff. Literally, it's a TON of stuff. Apparently they spent three months for the first game coming up with words, and it's a safe bet that they spent another month or two on Super Scribblenauts's adjectives. Partial lists have over 20,000 words. ... Yeah. Due to the fun inherent in just trying to find what's in and what reacts with what, the team also came up with a sandbox mode on the start screen where you can write in anything and play around with stuff. Honestly, after that, the rest of the game is just extra. Here's a few examples of fun to be had:
- Summon a shark. Summon a ray gun. The ray gun naturally attaches to your shark, giving you a shark with frickin' laser beams.
- Summon a president. Hey, look!
 |
| Yes, that is Baba Yaga, a couple goths, a valkyrie and Barack Obama. And possibly Batgirl. |
- Want to test Pirate vs. Ninja? Sure. How about putting them on a trampoline, or a viking ship? Hey, why not make them ride cuddly Shoggoths?
- Or, how about a giant sand worm? Summonable. Treant? Summonable. Medusa? Basilisk? Minotaur? Wood elves that attack dwarves? Cthulhu? Mosasaur? Utahraptor? Unicorn? Excalibur? King Arthur? Giant Enemy Crab? Keyboardcat? Epic fail? Rickroll? (Now, come on, you brought that one on yourself)
ALL SUMMONABLE. I mean, really. When a developer saw someone at E3 stumping the dictionary with "Plumbob", he called the rest of the team and then told the guy it would be available in the final game. THEY COME UP WITH EVERYTHING!
I mean... Really. Everything.
Calm now.
And with the addition of adjectives, there are like ten thousand new words, resulting in things like cerulean, sunlit, cow-like, centaurian, tricolor and cotton elementals.
 | ||||
| And you thought I was joking, didn't you? |
In conclusion, if your kid's of reading age and has a DS, buy this game. If you want to improve your vocabulary, buy this game. If you're just bored on a rainy day and want something to make you smile as you make flying surfboards and fluffy flying floral fishsticks, buy this game. So long as you've got no problem with bloodless violence and the potential to use babies as bait, this is a game that anyone with a DS should play.
Final score:
Presentation: D'aww.
Controls: They work!
Gameplay: Clever puzzles with "advance" levels that don't let you try the same word twice in a row.
Fun: Ever wondered who'd win in a fight between Washington with a giant axe, Thor, and a fancy polar bear? Find out.
Overall score: 9
Child friendliness?: Anyone over 3rd grade or so ought to be able to handle this game. E10+ indeed.
If not available at your local game store, try here.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Welcome. Rawr.
Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I see you're not reading this. Yes, I can tell before this is posted. After all, this is a gaming blog. Wow, that's new and original. /sarcasm. So, here's what you need to know about this blog, oh imaginary people and my mom:
1: It's a gaming blog. Name comes from the Final Fantasy character, the moogle. Why? Because they're cute and fluffy.
2: Here I shall post my reviews, critiques, snarky comments, etc. on whatever video game I'm playing at the moment. Or just go off on a random tangent, I haven't decided yet.
3: I'll be sure to mention ratings for the games, as well as how well I think they match for people (ie, kids) of various ages. Reminder, parents: don't buy six-year-olds M rated games, they get that rating for a reason.
4: I'll try and post other links so you guys can get a few other sources.
5: Do not touch the pom-poms. Moogles don't like that.
1: It's a gaming blog. Name comes from the Final Fantasy character, the moogle. Why? Because they're cute and fluffy.
2: Here I shall post my reviews, critiques, snarky comments, etc. on whatever video game I'm playing at the moment. Or just go off on a random tangent, I haven't decided yet.
3: I'll be sure to mention ratings for the games, as well as how well I think they match for people (ie, kids) of various ages. Reminder, parents: don't buy six-year-olds M rated games, they get that rating for a reason.
4: I'll try and post other links so you guys can get a few other sources.
5: Do not touch the pom-poms. Moogles don't like that.
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